Masakalli Masakalli Udio Na Dariyo

Warning: Rant post on the eve of cruel May

Ah well, ok, ‘on the eve of the V-day this Feb’ if you please…

The more these other girls try to chat this natty man up, the madder he gets. Not about them. At them. They remind him of her. Of course, she is not at all like these other people. She is SHE:  different.

Their presence underlines her absence so intensely that he loses it completely and explodes.

Flaming words of sarcasm fly burning holes into goodwill. Only at unguarded,  perhaps alcohol drenched,  moments. People driven up steep walls lose it too and open fire.  He gets back as good as he ‘gives’ – so he broods about it less now. But still.  He can’t help realizing how UNFAIR this senseless mardon ka world is. For, what she can do, he cannot? He COULD not –

Aye,  Masakalli Masakalli/ Ud matakalli matakalli /Zara pankh jhatak gayi Dhool atak aur lachak machak kar Ud Masakalli…kar le puri dil ki tamanna

Hawa se jud, ada se ud…Masakalli…

Cavort with the Wind Masakalli

Cavort with the Wind Masakalli

No, that was not –  what he would have thought – but then, well, she isn’t a bird  –

Udiyo na Dario

Kar mandmani  !!

Badiyo na – Mudiyo

Kar nadaanii – bas,  tthaan le tu

Jaan le tu – sananana  hawa

Masakali matak matak matak – Hawa se Ud,  ada se Ud…

Go get to know the Wind

He was well aware that she wished he had said that : especially,  that part about “kar le naadaanii, Jaan le tu – sananana Hawa”.

BUT – was this – could this really be the GREAT BIG cause that drove him away? Her hawa se judna ? Her little flight over horizons he seems to have walked like the backyard of his own house.

On the Edge

she would never know

She doesn’t know. She never would know. Ever.

He didn’t either. He thought he did – but he knows if he allowed himself to be honest with himself, he would have to admit that he didn’t KNOW. And also that she scares him. Drives him mad with her unpredictable ways. Of course she is not really unpredictable.

Thoughts of  ‘unpredictability’  – it absolves him of some responsibility of what happened. It is easier to overlook his own cruelty to her.

She did ask him enough number of times – as many as was permissible within graceful limits.


she worries

Sometimes, in the dead of sleepless nights,  he  knows,  she worries – about how he could be laid up somewhere with a broken arm or a leg – or worse still, cozily ensconced in the arms of some hoori that drives him crazy with “lotsasex” and lovely guile… well, he can’t – he would not deny,  it kind of  – does nice things for his – well,  ego.

He  knows that she sometimes stares at a very bad stupid  picture that  is all of him that remains now – with her, that is. The rest of him is somewhere so bloody far away she can’t even hope to reach him there in her imagination.

he knows she never could reach him

he knows she never could reach him

He tells himself that she has been up and down this slope so many times already.  She knows what it is like.  She KNOWS that it would pass.  She knows she would finally get away and be free. Till that time there would be  licking wounds alone in a hole in that breathless state when every minute is like a year.

He also knows that there would never be forgetting this one.  At least,  she wouldn’t forget him.  And that he would walk the earth wherever she treads. He knows that.  But it doesn’t bother him.

Life would be the same  – petty – insignificant – one track ram rod straight zooming into each unknown day – bumbling along – for her. For him too.  The same as ever.

as ever?

not love

He knows this is NOT love – only,  it could have been.  It is just that,  for her, he realized with great difficulty that he had been the one she had been looking for all her  post millennium year life.  That he had been her dream unfulfilled.

could have been?

could have been?

PN: Pictures sourced from the Internet copyright with respective owners


wish – 2live

Someday soon, I want to be able to walk right up to some man I admire and say to him, “Shudhi, bless me with a child!”

I should be free to marry when I will. At age fifty-two, if that is when I find a man I wish to serve and share and spend my whole life with. Didn’t mention love here because that is obvious. You dont want to serve people you do not love, do you? Well I don’t.

I should be free to marry who I will.

I should be free to use my womb as I will and should not be forced into an arranged marriage with a gay man just because they think he has to be hidden under ‘cover’ of a ‘normal’ marriage, and then together with him, suffer the ignominy of either being unloved or be a ‘divorcee’ for no fault of ours.

Someday soon I should be able to enjoy all the individual rights my predecessors had thousands of years ago, as I am as competent, as intelligent, as sensitive and in every way as capable as any of them. And also because I live in times that we are made to believe have ‘progressed’…

If Kunti could have had IVF babies from four different able men she had chosen herself, if Madri could have had two, living in the twenty first century, I should be able to have atleast one from the man I want it from?

I harbour such dreams because I am true to the culture and ethos of my country, I have the courage and conviction to nurture such a wish especially since I am an Indian? But I rue the fact that my dreams would continue to be dreams for another – well, how many fifty years still, till we are really freed?

If you care to know more, please refer to the great Indian novel, The Mahabharata, our myths and legends and you would see what I mean. (to post links later)

In the Year of the Woman


It says in the epics that in ancient times a woman called Kunti, enamoured by the valour and brilliance of the Sun god, desired him and gave birth to his son, who later came to be known as Karna. However, to preserve her social status as an unmarried virgin and her right to marry, she was forced to abandon her baby.

Yet Karna was not an unwanted child. He was not an ‘accident’! Later on this noble queen laments her inability to nurse her own offspring and keep it or care for it (see Michael Madhusudan Dutt’s “Karna-Kunti Samvad” a poetic rendition of a mother’s agony and pain faced with social dilemma).

Kunti, mother of Arjuna, queen of King Pandu is a character from the great Indian epic Mahabharata, composed thousands of years ago, portraying life and times in the Vedic age of Vyasa, the author. She along with the second queen of Pandu, had five IVF sons between them.

Has the contemporary social conditions changed?

In the age of  InVitroFertilization (IVF) and the Nano, and embryonic stem cell research (ESCR) and cloning, am I better off than Kunti? Can I be sayambhara* and choose the paternity and inheritance and heritage of my own child? Am I allowed to bear my child as I will?

Is the academic machinery being adequately used to empower her with competencies she would require as mother, caregiver, a tech-savvy worker, social or political leader or entrepreneur? Are the syllabii in schools still relevant to the social and economic roles a woman would be expected to play once she passes out?

Is she aware of her rights? Are there enough platforms where an average illiterate woman can voice hher grievances without commissioning the help of some political bhaiya ?

In the Year of the Woman and in the wake of March 8, the Woman’s Day, when I paused to ask myself these questions, the answer to all them was NO. India is still not ready

** Indian women continue to be repressed, forced to abort or to abandon her children, or face social ostracization unless society approves of the way it was conceived.

** She still cannot adopt easily,

** or admit her children to school if the father refuses to acknowledge them.

**In most cases she is still deprived of her father’s property on some pretext or the other.

** She still can’t rent a house easily if she is alone in a strange city, even if she is in her thirties.

In 1961 the Indian sex ratio – the worst in the world – was 976 females per 1000 males. Currently it stands at 927.

Despite the Pre Natal Diagnostic Technique Amendment Act of 2003, UN figures reveal that 75,000 female foetuses are aborted in India annually. Selective breeding has almost become endemic in India and means a woman is dead even before she is allowed to be born!

The Public Service Broadcasting Trust : In 2005, in a gender sexuality orientation workshop at the India International Centre at Delhi, the Chief organizer Rajiv Mehrotra had said that PSB commissions fifty two  films annually in their endeavour to create media content to help the government and agencies to understand relevant issues and introduce better welfare measures. When I visited their site there was no news of any film to be released presently.

The Prez struggles to roll out reforms, but the ground reality is this: “Many legal experts feel that President Patil should be more circumspect.”…“she cannot directly summon civil servants or ministers nor can she insist on promulgation of action plan. This is the job of a Prime Minister.” (Times News Network news item published in the student edition under the title President gets Cracking on Empowering Women.

Well, if our own President can only be informed and then just encourage , warn and suggest and NOT DO anything then obviously my plight stands defined.

Being raised well and steeped in the ethos of my beloved country, I would patiently continue to re-read the Mahabharata and of women like Rohini and Khona, and secretly dream of one day be liberated or at least be invested with the power to do it myself.

I am not lazy. I would not mind doing it for myself, provided I know I shall not be persecuted or repressed or raped or worst still posted at Patan or some such hell hole or divested of my job. I would wait. I guess that is what is expected of gracious people?

* Swayambhar : refers to the ancient Indian practice of the woman’s father/brother/the head of her clan, inviting all possible suitors at the house, there she is formally introduced to them, and their achievements and accomplishments publicly related to her, after which she selects her mate indicating her choice by presenting the man with a garland. Unlike in the West she doesn’t kiss him or hold hands. In India touching between opposite sexes was a taboo even back then. Even hand holding was not seen as a simple gesture of cordiality but had specific social significance. While rescuing Devyani from a well Yayati had to pull her up by her hands, and later marry her because he had held her right hand!