More Good Men or More Intelligent Men?

What does the world need? This was the essay question Kolkata Univ had asked students to debate upon,  in the MA exam paper,  in the year 1991. No wait, instead of “intelligent”  the 50 mark question  had paired “good” with “wise”…what I had felt then, am surprised to realize, I continue to believe in still!

No matter how intelligent a man is, if that intelligence isn’t housed in a body gifted with a soul, the world is in for trouble. IMO. So,  it makes sense that some people across the globe are working upon The GoodWork Project and others nearer home,  attempting to develope  a Well-Being curriculum for school going children.

“You be good is when you can do good” I think.

Times are changing – albeit slowly, but I can feel the winds of change blowing. Am glad to be part of this great big yagna that is going on. Only –  I hope to live to see the change in paradigm shift –  reaping benefits in the years ahead.

I do believe, we are heading in the right direction, at least some people are, and it is heartening to know they are close and working hard,  day and night.

being positive

when I hear people say that, I think they mean to say that one should look at the dark tunnels and not be scared, but think of how if it is a tunnel, it would open out in the end – to light and a way out.

how do you know you are in a tunnel or inside a hole? you don’t know. you can’t know, unless you can see a glimmer of light somewhere. or, unless you believe you are invincible and life is safe and you expect your prayers to be answered. always 🙂

not every dark pit one enters is a tunnel – that nicely fans out somewhere in the distant future, into a nice lighted path out of the darkness, leading somewhere beyond the present. some pits are just that – dark holes.

having accepted that, I guess ‘being positive’ would mean you are expected to scramble out of it, scream for help, beg, borrow, steal, break rules too – and make an attempt to carry on, (so you can fall into other holes and exercise “being positief” once again).  and be what? wiser? nicer? makes me laugh.

it is funny, but when I stop to think about the way life is, if I cut out the lighted parts, and the sensation of colour, which is basically my mind rejoicing and celebrating life because of what it is,  in itself, life has been a series of these falling in and out of pits and practising “being positive”.

where has it all led to, by the way, is what am trying to contemplate now. what does it all amount to finally? what’s the net result of all that scrambling in and out of holes? what good have I ever done to anybody else or even my own self, except to have stayed alive only to be a nuisance once again?

I did get some things I wanted for myself and didn’t get some. I believed that I had done some good to some people, but when I dig deep enough it looks like I was doing it for me.

I mean when I wanted a fantabulous class, I thought ‘them’, but wasn’t I trying to be “best of me” actually? when I fought the Principals or Directors for classes or for something for my class, I do think it was about “me”, giving “my best” “doing my best” “even at the cost of my well-being”. I think that was kind of pride that drove me. a passion for what I do,  self actualization (self-realization?) at work there. would have done that anyway, whether “they” were there or not…

it is difficult to get out of that “me” thing. as long as I eat, sleep, pull me out of holes, push me to ride out of the dark tunnels, am always being “me”. some people think it is ‘possible’…in a certain state of mind…I believe that it is possible to get to that state of mind but to go on actually without being “me”…not so sure.

what if I stop wanting that at some point? is that organic, natural? is it better if something goes on preserving itself or is it good to appraise once in a while to see if it is serving (it’s own or) some purpose somewhere? and what if the program can think and choose for itself and decides – well, whatever it is that it decides,would that be taken into account?

isn’t there a system where they program a ‘bad’ program to self-destruct? isn’t this an attribute of a really ‘good’ ‘sophicticated’ program?

and “good” or “bad” is in terms of what? what extent of it is with respect to “others”? how much of it is with respect to the intrinsic value of the program or the thing itself? I don’t seem to know.

if I do not know, if I cannot see what good/bad am doing, what does that make me? an unintelligent program, a bad machine, a lower order one I guess, dispensable? AND easily replaceable…?

in which case “being positief”, folks from Antwerpen, would mean what? free space and begone? or stick to it, no matter what, and let some outside agent abort you? isn’t that what a bad machine does? goes on scratching at your disk, killing it, until you actually force-flushout-eject it manually.

Not that am here contemplating my date of death yet, have yet to see my Godson, have things to do before I do. Only  I realize I would like to know, when and how. We still can’t make up our minds about Euthanasia, which is understandable.

This however is different. Would like to see if the votes say something.  You can vote without signing in. You can also see the results yourself in terms of percentage, you can even write your views down after ticking “other” option. Only it would provide for limited space I think, so it is better to use the comment box for that. Thanks.

new year resolutions

well,  it is the second day of another brand new year and I would like to copy Faith, a teenage fellow blogger that I love to read, and jot down some thoughts about what I wish for it to be like – being with young people somehow does this to me – am all hopeful and positive and playful and smiley faced yadda….(that’s an expression I jhaaroed – yaniki copied from that kid too) 😐

so then – here goes

1) I mean to complete Kiran’s work well – it looks ok one minute and the very next am on all fours scrubbing it clean. right now it looks rather wordy and verbose, so I spent the whole afternoon going through their KS1 documentation another time. problem is they think of programe of inquiry as a domain – like in conventional terms it would be like a “subject of study” – whereas I keep thinking of it as a method – a tool – and keep writing POI in my citizenship doc that way in the how do you do its section.

but I would I trust get over it.

2) I plan to live a more organized life now that I have a baby – albeit a long distance son, but still, I believe babies need that long term planning badly. my parents had messed that up a bit and so when I was my age to assert my self, I found that I had to make some space for my own self, by myself as it looked like they never had expected me to grow up and start walking or even talking and later I learned they hadn’t even quite expected me to be a thinking individual – I want lil’ Isaiah’ s life vis-a-vis his godmom to be smoother.

3)mean to read up the sequel to TWILIGHT, really liked the book a lot.

4) mean to make a meeting I look forward to happen somehow.

5) change jobs –  join one that promises a salary that would restore lifestyle I had been used to once upon a tie before I started this spree of freewheeling.

6) mean to stick to one place now onwards.

7) mean to shed weight.

8) mean to write regularly.

9) mean to continue teaching.

10) mean to get my Lady to give me citizenship to teach. even as I document the process and contents etc I get more and more intrigued at how much potential this has as a discipline. I mean the other day at Lothal when they asked me what is of value to me – I had floundered as I wasnt expecting anybody to actually ask me – but then I gave it a thought and every time what surfaced was – <strong>Language, Language</strong> – the repository of all that we know – etc – o only if we could ‘read’ what those people at Indus basin were wanting to be remembered – well, citizenship kind offers me with a multitude of things to do in class – from language to film making to art appreciation – I feel excited –

Kiran had said, at that conglom we had at Lothal, about Preservation as a Big Idea, and about what is of value,  that<strong> “hope”</strong> is what <em>she</em> values…well, I hope too – and begin 2009 with a hopeful smile at God my santa…might please Him to grant my wishes for me 😉 you never know – if one hoped with real prayers and good will – maybe…..

Mother? Me?



Well, a historic day in my life.

I was so confounded with the idea, forgot that it was a Bakri Eid holiday today,  had absentmindedly rushed off to school, only to find it deserted of course…except for the team of house keeping staff…moping corridors…

A long distance God Motherhood? What might it be like? I wonder…and to one of the most magical babies I have ever seen, yet…

It is too little yet to worry about what it would be like. So I guess that leaves me time to wonder about what I would like to be – as his distant Godmother.

Another new journey am embarked upon, that would perhaps get recorded here, as it unfolds.  Right now, my mind is numbed – there is excitement, but on the surface is disbelief and wonderment…a prayer in the heart…incoherent

facing the child within

is difficult

It asks so many questions of me. Why did you not take me there? Why did you let me down? Why did you not keep your promise to me? Why did you not save me from that blow? Why did you leave me alone in the storm? Why did you forget to bring me home? Why do you always try to keep me out of everything? Do you hate me? Don’t you love me? Do you want me? Can you live without me? Will you stop talking to me?

Well, no! I can’t. I can’t live without you. I can never stop talking to you. I need you, to stay alive. Without you the world would be such a drab, colourless place. I shudder even to think of it. Everything would be so prosaic – like the strict drawing teacher in class III wanted it to be: all the trees green, the sky always blue, the streets straight, no not that, that’s green, it has to stay down, blue goes up and nooooo, you mustn’t colour your sky red and leaves cannot be violet or orange! You are being naughty this morning, child?

Nope, the morning was rolling down the hills across the street casting shadows in the throw ball court downstairs. Mrs Salma is absent today, so no poetry and no games but since Mother Provincial is about to visit, there would be music this afternoon. Great! Showers of Blessing, showers of blessing we need, Mercy drops round us are falling, but for the showers we plead. Sister Alice’s fingers seem to fly over the piano keys making her think of butterflies. Turn around, look! O the swings. Swinging with the mountain breeze. So light and inviting, so lovely, drenched in the winter sunshine!

She made a run for it….she had made a run for it…

I had promised the child. So I brought her to the land of swings.
I had promised her a ride on a real roller-coaster, a trip across the wavy plains of the deserts and many more things. For every promise I fulfill for her, she gifts me with an additional day in the present. Adding to my salad days. She gives me a reason to smile, to forgive, to laugh at mistakes, to go on – to just keep going on – because she is intensely curious – she is forever asking what is around the bend. She is never tired.

I get tired though. I am tired.

So I wrote this for her. To remind myself that she doesn’t have anyone but me to take care of her. Talk to her or walk with her. That I am responsible for her. She has waited for years so I would grow up and then take her out. I have this strange tryst with her. I guess I must try and not fail her.

I love her. But I do feel tired. I wish for once she would grow up and stop asking questions or looking up to me. But not leave me alone 🙂

bebe we happiness