whats wrong with India?

warning: this is a reactionary rant post venting frustration at everything thats bad about this beautiful country. I think it is like it is today because we women suck. Way too much. If you cant stand my truth, you are welcome to cherish yours...

Us – women.

Excuse me for saying this but how many of us can say with absolute confidence sitting there reading this that our son or brother or husband is not one of those who is right now stealing, oppressing, repressing, sucking this country dry?

can we deny that we did not teach our boy to be kind. that we forgot to tell our boy that it is mandatory and manly  to treat the weak with charity and courtesy? did we  teach our boy to wait to check everyone has  got their share at the table before he requests for the second helping? do we  even see our little boy desperately looking UPTO US  expecting the whole bloody world and getting only shallow shit from us? because we  neglected to educate ourselves or grow with the times or allowed ourselves to be fully human or even woman.

do we  realize we  are the whole world to those two men in our life –  the mate and the little boy that comes home to us every afternoon from school? and what do we  do for them that a servant would not have anyway?

we  say we  cook for them,  we  serve them hands and foot – but who taught them to expect us to be their slave in the first place? another woman.

if  we  slave, who would do the rearing? who would shape his mind,  fill it with tender thoughts , passion for creative ideas  and action?

do we  ever check what his school is teaching him? do we understand what it takes to be a good citizen? a good human being? do we ever tell him it is ok to do badly in lessons as long as he is good and kind to everyone around him? do we give him a hug when he has been truthful or right and good despite gaining nothing but getting hurt in the process? do we really, really love our baby boy and WANT him to grow up into a nice humane do-gooder  or do we merely wish to see him become a money spinning machine that ensures all my luxurious habits are taken care of,  free  (of labour) ? are we willing to work hard for that? is ability to raise a good kid enough food for our little silly souls?

look at how we   live – engrossed in our new sari,  our jewellery,  our shopping,  our writing, our fucking little jobs that mean nothing but a source of additional income that buys more things, our little world of stupid silly empty nothingness that  we  sell  ourselves for  each  night. o you say we are married. that’s just a term didn’t you know? I mean try this simple test : do we  have the wifely right to teach our child what  we  would really like him to learn and not fall in with the father’s expectations? o do you? great! you are one exclusive wife then. congratulations!

so then, the other day when you saw that woman being insulted by the rickshaw driver, did you protest?  did you even think of speaking up?  have you ever read about any of the great Indian women? have you read  Anandamath? and about  women who fought alongside men for their rights?

did we do anything at all to deserve what we have or get? did we teach our girls to be good mothers and value sound good principles? do we ever extend a hand of solidarity towards women that want to stand up for their rights? for instance that woman in our neighborhood that lives alone, do we  ever go say halo to her? or ever offer to help her or be a good citizen towards her?

what are we scared to lose?  our  four square meals a day? what then?  we  are scared and we are fat and lazy. and we are ashamed of ourselves because we  know we  ought to be. but instead of doing something about it we cover that up with more junk make up and smile harder and quarrel louder, pull down each other as fast as it takes to say piss and expose an inch more of  our cleavage.

what are we,  woman?  sex machines?  cows that have to milk and breed? the servant of the house? the dominatrix head servant that has to manage other servants of the house? well, what exactly?

tell me one thing about our character that makes us beautiful. for instance, do we have the tolerance in us  to love the writer of this post  even after we read this rant?

woman, do we have a heart that is still attached to our spirit?

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19 thoughts on “whats wrong with India?

  1. @ Rolling : Interesting post. I did a post with the same title last year in July. You can find it here :

    http://www.odzer.com/?p=128

    I take a bit of an exception that everything that is wrong with this country is done by men. Of course Napoleon once said “Give me good mothers and I will give you a good nation.” but at the same time I do not think mothers can influence everything even if they believe that they can.

    Fundamentally there is a lack of responsibility towards what we do in this country that has brought it to this stage. I am sure you are going to get a lot of vicious comments now from people who are very much in love with Bharat Mata. So good luck!

    • Odzer, nobody even bothered to read it and those who have, am sure would be too ashamed of the truth to want to comment. Thanks to you tho, would read that post and let you know.

      • For a moment had forgotten I have many American Friends that not only I love to read but they love to read me too. Realized how crass I sounded and insensitive, so edited out the offensive part from my previous comment. Thank God WP allows for human frailties, wonder what wd have done without such leeways…life is hard enuf as it is.

        Those who read it before, please forgive.
        Those who dont know what am talking abt kindly ignore. Ignorance is peace. I needed to write this or I cdnt sleep in peace, for I really love the kids and ladies, as sincerely as virtual love allows. Thanks.

  2. An absolute stunner post! Raw. Hard-hitting. Straight from the heart. Hitting everywhere it should – under and over the belt.

    The Salon article is a realistic depiction of India, though many Indians might simply find it convenient to ‘forget’ – aisa hi hota hai.

    Kudos to you for your self-introspective look on the role of women. Will there be any such post by an Indian male self-introspecting on the role of males? I don’t think so.

  3. You know there is so much to learn from your writing.
    there is so much unspoken you have written here…i have got something to think about. and i shall make sure it just doesnt stopd at me thinking about it.
    good going…and keep penning down such unspoken words for us to reflect at.

  4. So clear thoughts.
    one should be such free and open and clear in his thoughts.

    I would really agree to what you loose when you say you give it away is little and not necessary.
    But the onlythought that comes to my mind is Whatever I do is not enough, for those less fortunate.
    Many I motivate, there are still some rocks.
    When you lend a giving hand, its just too many to reach for. What makes me frustrated and sad, that effortd i put in is not enough.

  5. I’ll love you despite the post. But what’s with all the finger pointing? There’s a lot wrong with Indian women…but there’s also a lot wrong with Indian men. Instead of stereotyping Indian women and assigning blame, I think we need to look at the Indian society as a whole and see how we can work together to overcome the problems we are plagued with. Not all of our problems are gender issues…sometimes a lot of them simply have to do with upbringing, and for me, both a MAN and a WOMAN are responsible for the upbringing of a child. So no pointing fingers, there’s a 50-50 responsibility involved here. I am an Indian woman and a proud one at that, and I simply refuse to be bunched in with the rest of the stereotypes you’ve listed up there. Perhaps because I’ve been raised by a father and a mother who decided I didnt need to fit into a stereotype and that I could be a person of my own.

    • Vee, I have reason to believe it is the mum who influences the child more than the father. esply with a male child. just look deep inside your heart and you would know. and that indeed makes the woman far more powerful than she realizes.

  6. Rolling,
    When it comes to “Women have to stand for themselves”. There are also many who just misuse or letgo fortunes offered to them at cost to somebody (better deserved).
    Lets not forget there are many in our close community just know when to encash being sympathy of being lookeddown upon.

    No douth Woman arethe strongest, as we say those ho represt them at top level all not all good and of likes like Kiran bedi, Indra noyi etc..

    I hope you got my point.

    If you think i am defending Mens attitude, then you might be mistaken.

    And yes I saw through ocean of work, and now i am back :D.

  7. I beg to differ. I dont think the onus of responsibility in raising and influencing a child lies heavier on one parent than the other. Why should a mother be more influential in raising a child than the father? Without downplaying my mum’s efforts in raising me, I think a lot of how I think and how I react to situations I get from my dad. Not that she hasnt had an influence on me at all. And not that she wasnt an equal participant in raising me. Sometimes kids just latch on more to one parent than the other, and there is no telling which one it’s going to be. So why place a heavier burden of responsibility on the mother and point a finger at her when correct values are not imparted on to the child? Both parents, both genders ought to share equally the burden of raising responsible individuals.

    Perhaps there IS something wrong with Indian women if we’ve decided that it is entirely a mother’s job to influence the child while the father gets off easy.

  8. I love you too Vee.
    I would do a post to communicate my thoughts and research on this.
    I didn’t mean to say that a woman is entirely responsible. Am sorry if that is what came across.

    • introspecting, Mahendra, took that MBTI test again, myscore 89 50 50 1 (INTJ). am changing, trying to figure out why, whats causing it etc. also busy with work which right now involves curriculum compliance studies, as am involved with writing curr docs for our org.

  9. Hi Trisha,

    You had mentioned this sometime before. I like your approach of problem solving from grassroots rather than talking about bigger issues which we have spoken enough of.

    Simple things like keeping the city clean stems from how people live in their own little homes. Often houses (esp kitchens and bathrooms) are very dirty as a result of which one doesn’t see the filth outside. Secondly, there is lot of ‘not in my house’ mentality – I’ve seen people sweep their garbage away to the street, as if it is going to magically disappear. I don’t hold women responsible for household cleanliness and hygiene tips, but there is so much of research that shows that men just cannot see such ‘soft’ aspects of life (broad generalization).

    My mother once told me the story of a robber who was caught by the police. When the robber’s mother came to the police station, the robber hugged her and bit her ear off saying ‘had you not encouraged me stealing a loaf of bread from the corner store when I was 10, I would have been in a better place now’. Well the story naively puts the blame squarely on the mother, but the message is clear, isn’t it?

    What percentage of an adult’s decision is influenced by the values s/he learns during his/her childhood? I think it varies greatly but the importance of mother, father and teacher (माता, पिता, गुरू) cannot be overlooked.

    Thanks for provoking discussion.
    love,
    Priyank

    • Hi Puku, at last you get me right – grassroots level it is and within my limited sphere is where I prefer to work.
      I meet with, work with, am surrounded by women, I see first hand through my colleagues how deep the influence of a woman is on every child she interacts with. when I raise a finger and say, “Beta, nai, please don’t DO that”, I have embedded the seed of scripting that would stay with him lifelong. Everytime he violates that order n life, he or she would hear that voice inside his or her head.

      MD Harris? scripting is done by the mother in the first few years of the child’s life, as at that time he organically depends on her and every gesture, posture, eye movement of hers he watches intently to make sense of his the world he is born into and remembers 🙂 The father yes of course, but not – never THAT close ever.

      Sheer biology, psychology, the way human children are designed – common sense, Priyank.

      Your mum was right. you would see if you examined your value system more than half of it is what you got from her inputs, or reinforced by her . even if you got it raw from school, or people you admire. everytime she supported you, she reinforced some scripting inside you.
      children trust their mums the most in the whole wide world.

      how many cases are there where mum molested the son Priyank? is that common? on the other hand – ….well, dont want to talk abt it, you do get the drift, right?

      You go find the data, if you want to (remember I am an INTJ, I use my intuition and thinking more for figuring the world around 😉 )(I do not believe in cut copy pasting ‘data’ from the net to justify me. I KNOW as I use my professional experience, observtion, reading, cultural practices, literature, empirical evidence to come to conclusions.

      your comment here means a lot to me, you are my virtual family now, family support matters

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