change has been a constant companion in my life. change is something in itself am not uncomfortable with. nor do I mind lines and boundaries.
you cared enough to let me know, you cared enough to lay the lines and boundaries out for me. and I appreciate that. my life was this shapeless, flowing mass of experiences, days often ran on contingency plans, there was nothing truly long term I wanted to look at – in fact there wasn’t anything long term TO look at.
then you laid out the lines, you drew a pattern. it gave the shapeless mass of stuff some form, and so, meaning. and a structure which one could hope to build upon someday.
it was not insignificant or meaningless earlier. but the jumble was inscrutable – unreadable – like the rushes of a movie is, in the beginning. that didn’t make sense to friends or people that cared, and did want to make sense of it.
I do not hate or resent it. I liked it 🙂 I could see your concern. I could see that you cared. and isn’t all that we struggle with and struggle for, in our silly little lives, ultimately, is about finding that somehow, in some form?
isn’t the gesture a bit like taking up the piece of drawing a kid is struggling with, to add those few key strokes, defining lines to it, to make it what the kid wanted it to be, but he could not, by himself? have you watched a kid drawing? how they struggle with their little fingers, coaxing them, commanding them to do their bidding, thinking their vision earnestly, their little tender faces all screwed up with fierce concentration, seeing it in full clarity in THEIR minds – but not quite able to translate it into his drawing? and then the teacher would sometimes intervene?
well, that’s how I felt too. I felt cared for. and realized that it had been missing until you chose to give it to me.
nobody had paused long enough, or had cared to take time enough, to do that for me, before you did it.
since you put them in, you can rub it all off and leave a blank sheet for me to draw upon again. I would still need the lines… and help 😐
the lines are neat. the boundaries within reach. they help make sense of all that I am and my life is. thank you.